Faith matters.
The one thing we all have in common is faith. For most of us it was faith that Joseph Smith is a prophet, that the church is true, and that Jesus Christ is our savior. I think a fair number of us still hold at least one of those points to be true, while many others have found faith in other things. Yet more have lost their faith still search for something to believe in. Our journey began in the same place, more or less, and so many of us are going somewhere entirely different.
Affirmation exists to do an number of things. Our primary function has been providing fellowship to those Latter-day Saints who come out as not straight and need someone to come to who understands where they come from. That is admirable and necessary, and it will not change.
There is also this interesting provision in the Charter that I’ve been thinking long and hard about for a very long time: “Encourage spirituality, prayer and the practice of all Christ-like and charitable behavior in the recognition of members as whole and complete children of God.” I don’t imagine, now many years after the Charter was written, that many of us can take issue it that directive, but I can guess that a few might. *
I wholeheartedly endorse Christ-like and charitable behavior, but as I’ve grown as a person I don’t know how I personally can encourage spirituality or prayer. My beliefs have moved on not just from Mormonism, not just from Christianity, but on to no faith whatsoever. I no longer “hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” *
I expect that I am in a minority view, but I can no longer continue in my capacity as a member of the Executive Committee leading an organization ostensibly full of people of faith without being honest with them. Given that there are other atheists who have held long and valued places of trust among our fellowship, I doubt this is an issue for most of you, but it has been an issue for me. You deserve transparency, honesty, and integrity from your leadership, and I intend to give it, for as long as you’ll allow me.
Blessings,
George Cole
Assistant Executive Director
Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons
Thanks George, for an interesting message. As a long-time Affirmation member, AND as an atheist, I have had my issues with Affirmation and that (and other) language that exists in the official Affirmation charter as you point out. I’m glad that I am not alone in Affirmation in my feelings about “faith” — and it’s nice that there is representation in Affirmation leadership that aligns with my own personal views.
I have spoken with a number of people over the years who are no longer active in our organization, and sometimes they have stated that they left because they perceived Affirmation (either the organization itself, or its members) as a “Church-lite” wannabe organization — ex-Mormons somehow clinging to their Mormon faith in some half-hearted way. I personally don’t perceive Affirmation to be like that at all in practice (despite what the charter might suggest). Personally, I think it would be great for the organization to revisit the language in the charter, but for political reasons, it seems that that is not likely to happen. Which is a whole other issue…
Dear George,
I find it inspiring that you are being true to your Authentic Self. Navigating away from a limiting belief system, which in many ways defined our every move, to something where we can find meaning in life is not easy and differs for each individual. Like you, I threw my belief system out the door in trying to understand what I really believed, and although I believe very differently than I once did, I’ve been able to reframe a few things to where I am peace with my life. Making that decision to set aside my past beliefs opened up a very wonderful opportunity to expand into a very different and much more meaningful energy. I do not see your decision as weak in any way and honor your integrity in stepping forward with your truth.
As a side note–if anyone is interested, I’ve written extensively about my process in making peace with my religious roots. I’m definitely on a spiritual journey, but nothing like it was as a faithful Mormon. It feels much more real and authentic than it ever did when I chose to give my power away to a religious institution. I will also have a book available for purchase via Amazon.com in the next couple of months called Blessing the Chapel Doors: A Guide to Letting Go of Religious Guilt and Fear. I hope that it will help people to finally put aside the angst and fear we learned to take on as our own as members of our F.O.O.s (Faiths of Origins).
Many blessings on your journey and may we find peace with our lives in however that may manifest!
With Love,
Cristi Jenkins
I am interested in an Affirmation that is an umbrella for the Mormon heritage we all share whether we believe in the “Restoration” or not (which I don’t). Or whether we believe in God or not (which I do). Where else can you go in the gay community and ask, “Where did you serve YOUR mission?” or “How many kids do YOU have?” or “What was YOUR excommunication like?” or “Didn’t you just hate Steven Fales’s last play?” (Was that another plug for my work? Darn. I learned this from somewhere . . . just ask Mitt Romney!)
I also believe in full-artistic personal expression and a wonderful, good, hokey Mormon joke here and there. Where are we taking ourselves too flippin’ seriously?
I believe in an Affirmation where we do not shoot our wounded. For we are all in recovery from post-traumatic spiritual disorder. All should be welcome at the table whether we pray or not. (which I do.) That is why I’m Episcopalian/MCC after my disaster with pure secular humanism and, of course, Latter-day Saint-ism. But when it’s all said and done, even though I’m not a Latter-day Saint (first by excommunication, second by personal revelation and self-liberation), something about me will always be Mormon. I believe in Affirmation even when Affirmation doesn’t believe in me.
I do not believe that Affirmation’s mission is to promote politics or the next Wasatch artistic masterpiece. Affirmation should be limited to general education and fellowship. Nothing more. And it is not our job to change the Mormon Church’s mind. It is a place for me to be me. And you to be you. (As well as a safe haven free from sexual harassment as much as bashing of beliefs.)
George, thank you for leading this conversation. “To Thine Own Self Be True.” “The wolf cannot exist without the pack. The pack cannot exist without the wolf.” When this shift happens, Affirmation just may realize its potential.
Wonderful George,
I am glad to read that I am not alone in feeling confused about promoting church dogma and authority on the one hand and rejecting church dogma and authority on the other. I admire you Affirmation leaders who are trying to stay loyal to some part of your mormon past. However, I can’t participate in too much Affirmation activity because I feel “psychic splitting” beginning to work it’s nasty damage in my heart again. My judgements start to kick into gear about how the current church leadership might likely be happy that our sexual minority faction of discarded ex-mormons are still trying to twist their dignity around this Joseph Smith/Brigham Young movement.
There was alot that was wonderful in the Mormon Church for the first 40 years of my life, and there is alot that is wonderful in my life since my departure from the guilt and fear. These last 17 years have been glorious. I enjoy being free from self inflicted shame to make everyone else in my former mormon culture right and “true”. I am beginning to vent. Let me just say that there is an ocean of pain that I could share, but why go there any more.
The Mormon Church is no more true than any other religion. Religion has evolved for a reason. I wish people well on their journey with religion. I believe Joseph Smith, at 13 years old, had a dream that solved the dilemna that was facing his family: which church was true, of all the revival preachers that where competing for his syblings’ and parents’ membership, loyalty and tithing. In the beginning, that was it. He wanted to stop the arguing at the dinner table. Most kind, compassionate, thoughtful 13 year old boys want to help their family find peace and consensus. And many try. Good going Joseph, your family stopped worrying about which preacher to rally around.
So George, I admire your work, and I see that you are taking your position seriously, for our sake. I imagine that you are worried about the diverse needs amoung our ex-mormon Affirmation membership. I am so happy that you are still thinking about us and probing your mind for ways to reach all of us. Bless your heart! Jolynn
I appreciate all the comments I have seen here, including your’s George. I describe myself (lately) as being “agnostic” … but my feeling is I tend to be more atheist in my views.
I have been much more harsh in my own personal feelings about the mormon church as a result of their battles as it relates to gay marriage, not just Prop 8 in California (as they have engaged in the battle before that – i.e. Hawaii, MA, etc.). I have felt they have violated their own “sin of omission” outlined in more detail by Spencer W. Kimball in Miracle of Forgiveness (part of my “therapy” in Social Services long ago!). I mean, seriously, when I was raised they all but mocked civil marriage because it was only until death do you part, they have the real deal … for time and all eternity. They also have these “sealed marriages” that are rooted in polygamy, and they still seal marriages of polygamy in the temples (just the first sealed wife must die before the second can be added to the eternal bliss). They have not (at least that I know) repealed section 132 of the D&C.
But, alas, this does not all fit in a 30 second sound bite … so they are safe from people calling them out on this I suppose.
I do, however, respect the right of those that hold the church to a respectful level in their mind and in their life. I agree with Steven that Affirmation should be respectful of each other and a safe place for all.