Heather McKee
I was born and raised in the Mormon faith. I went to church every week, I went to youth group every week, and I read my scriptures and prayed every day. I knew I was going to serve a mission, get married in the temple, and raise a family in the church. Nothing was going to stop me from that dream, not even my whole family leaving the church. In fact that gave me the stronger desire to show to the world that I was better than all of them. There was only one thing flawed with my plan, I was Gay.
I have always known that I was different from an early age. But, I couldn’t quite express what it was. When I was sixteen, a Young Women’s leader took me out to coffee (hot chocolate), sat me down, and asked me if I was Gay. I kind of laughed it off, but inside, I was so mad at her for asking me that. How could she think that I was gay? I was the perfect Mormon, couldn’t she see that? That is when I really started to be aware of what made me different. But, of course, I buried that deep inside me and just worked harder at being a better Mormon.
Finally, the time came for me to serve a mission. I knew that if I served a mission, this attraction to women would go away. I had the faith that God would take that trial away from me. All throughout my mission I was finding myself attracted to the other Sisters there.
It wasn’t until the 15th month of my mission that I came face to face with who I was. My companion and I were teaching an inactive member of the church. She invited us into her house then introduced us to her partner. We sat down and began talking, but all I could see was what was on the walls, a rainbow flag and the poster “Kiss” by Tanya Chalkin. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of that poster; it was like it was drawing me in as if it knew that I was gay. We went back to our apartment that night and I decided that I would go home because I knew that I couldn’t change who I was.
I returned home from my mission shortly after. Now that I had come to full terms with who I was, I didn’t know how to behave. My whole life felt like a lie. I felt as though I were lying about everything. I hid out in my bedroom for a few months, not really knowing what to do. Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I told my Mom and Step dad. All my mom said was, in a disappointed voice, “Oh, Heather.” My Step Dad began to throw statistics and questions at me, such as:
“They say that your first relationship is with someone on average 10 years older, is that what happened?” No, I haven’t been in a relationship, yet.
“They say that you are homosexual (he won’t use the word “gay”) because of a sexual abuse, is that true?” No, I have never been sexually abused.
“They say that once you participate in a homosexual activity you never go back, you are trapped, did that happen?” No, I have never participated in a homosexual activity.
Etc, etc, etc.
Finally, he ended the conversation with making me promise to call the bishop. I respectfully declined.
Since then, I have come out to everyone in my life; I have lost most of my friends, but gained a lot of others along the way. Everyone else in my family has been so supportive of me. I am now happily domestically partnered (hopefully to be married when it is passed) to an AMAZING girl!
I am happier today than I have ever been. I do not have many regrets in life, but one regret I do have is not being honest with myself (and therefore everyone else around me) sooner. I do not wish I weren’t gay, like I always had growing up. If there were a pill to make me straight, I wouldn’t take it. Just like I wouldn’t take a pill to change my skin color, eye color or personality, I am proud of who I am. I am happy with who I am. I LOVE who I am.
Heather McKee
Staff Blogger
[...] attacks. Heather McKee, a staff blogger for Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons, wrote about coming out and her family’s acceptance. Joining an apparently growing group of LGBT affirming Seventh-day Adventists, Todd J. Leonard of [...]
[...] attacks. Heather McKee, a staff blogger for Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons, wrote about coming out and her family’s acceptance. Joining an apparently growing group of LGBT affirming Seventh-day Adventists, Todd J. Leonard of [...]
I, too, have always known I was different…but wasn’t able to “put my thumb on it” until I was 22. This was back in 1991 when most people in this country seemed to accept that gays and lesbians were “deviants”. Thank goodness so many people have become more open-minded, realizing that we’re just people who are not attracted to the opposite sex. However, I do not attempt to change the minds of those who hold the traditional Christian position regarding gay and lesbian people. I simply try to set a good example to my friends and family, because I think that’s a “first step.” Many people of my generation and older generations, have been taught to believe the worst of the gay/lesbian stereotypes and have been taught to fear homosexuality as the downfall of society. I try so hard to not get offended, simply because I know that by taking offense, I add more separation between me and those I love, who happen to disapprove of my sexual orientation. By allowing these relationships in my life, however, in spite of our differences, I have gained so very much and I believe that I have offered something positive to these friends, as well.
When I came out to my mother, I didn’t expect or require her to accept something which opposed what she believed. I would have preferred it, if she had, but I knew that it would not be that easy! Instead, all I hoped for was that she would still love me and would accept that her daughter was gay. She didn’t have to love the fact…or even to be proud of me…I just didn’t want to lose her. It was a huge disappointment for her to hear that her daughter was a lesbian but after coming out to her, there was one thing of which I was certain: she loved me! She died about a month after my announcement. Had she lived, I have no doubt that, in time, Mom would have gained understanding and I would have gained maturity and eventually, we would have become the best of friends. I’m so glad I didn’t walk away from her based on her inability to fully accept me, because even now–twenty years after her death–I would still be kicking myself in the butt for having lost that final month with her.
I hope and pray that you, your mother and stepfather have come to terms with your sexuality…or at least have learned to accept each others differences of opinion.
Dear friends,
I am a straight, married, active member of the LDS Church with deep feelings towards members of the LGBT community. What I mean is, I have a handful of very close friends who are gay men and who I love very much, just as if they were my brothers (for so they seem to me). Often I reflect on the current situation in the Church regarding homosexuality and wonder, “Will the policies/doctrine ever change?” I wonder if any of you who are current or former members of the LDS Church have any thoughts on that? I feel so much for my gay friends in the in accepting world of today, particularly those who have chosen to remain celibate and active Mormons and who may never get to experience the incredible relationship that is to be found with another person when you fall in love.